


SQUAD SHIT

by LeggoMyExo (RemHunter), Zanzibaralien



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Group chat, Lay is made of sunshine, M/M, Strangers to Friends, Texting, baek isnt fake, chansoo are gross and in love, chanyeol cant stop screaming, everyone is a mess, joonmyun is not a father, kyungsoo is done, mentions of Taemin, minseok the conspiracy theory guy, other members and ships to be added, sehun is a man baby, texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-01-07 17:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12237816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemHunter/pseuds/LeggoMyExo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanzibaralien/pseuds/Zanzibaralien
Summary: PCY: GAYSPCY: LOL *GUYSDAD: I'm starting to think you're doing that on purposeORHow the Squad Came Together : The College AU Texting Fic Nobody Wanted or Needed.





	1. the baby

**Author's Note:**

> yes, this was already posted yesterday, but the full chapter didn't post and i couldn't for the life of me get it to work properly, so hopefully this time the whole thing shows up ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  
> ___  
> again: this fic was created for my own amusement, and hopefully yours too!
> 
> it probably won't update that often and it has the vaguest plot ever, but i think it's funny so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> enjoy!!

**Group Chat** : SQUAD SHIT

February 29th, 12:04 PM

 

**PCY** : GAYS

**PCY** : GUYS*

**b*tch** : lol

**stop** : remind me again why your name is the censored word bitch, baekhyun

**b*tch** : because its my fave word

**b*tch** : but im not a ho so i dont swear

**stop** : that's a blatant lie on both fronts

**PCY** : GAYS

**PCY** : LOL *GUYS

**DAD** : I'm starting to think you're doing that on purpose

**PCY** : IM NOT

**PCY** : WHY WOULD I DO THAT

**PCY** : PLS LISTEN TO ME :(

**stop** : i’m listening

**PCY** : AW SOO THANK YOUUU

**b*tch** : barf

**stop** : stop

**b*tch** : no u guys are gross

**DAD** : What are you trying to say Chanyeol

**DAD** : Before Kyungsoo kills Baekhyun

**PCY** : THANKS DAD

**PCY** : I MEET MY SON TODAY

**DAD** : I'm not your dad

**DAD** : Son?

**PCY** : YEAH DAD???

**DAD** : No, not you.

**DAD** : Since when do you have a son?

**b*tch** : do u and soo have something u need to tell us

**stop** : he means his first year

**b*tch** : a year old already?!? they grow up so fast :’)

**stop** : stop

**PCY** : IM NOT JOONMYUN I DONT HAVE ACTUAL KIDS

**DAD** : You guys aren't my kids.

**PCY** : WHATEVER DAD

**PCY** : IM TALKING ABOUT THE FIRST YEAR IVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO FOR MY ADVISOR POSITION

**PCY** : HES MOVING INTO RES TODAY IM SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM GET SETTLED

**b*tch**  : lmk if hes cute

**PCY** : HES A CHILD

**b*tch** : hes in university

**PCY** : AN INFANT

**b*tch** : you havent even met him???

**PCY** : A FRESHLY BORN HUMAN

**b*tch** : ur not even his real dad

**PCY** : TAKE THAT BACK OH MY GOD

**lay** : I did not know a baby could have the requirements to attend university.

***

 

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

February 29th, 4:36 PM

 

**PCY:** GUYA

**PCY:** GAYS*

**PCY** : GUYS**

 

**Park Chanyeol (PCY) has added Oh Sehun to the chat.**

 

**PCY** : THIS IS SEHUN

**PCY** : MY SON

**Oh Sehun** : um

**PCY** : BE KIND TO HIM HES A CHILD

**b*tch** : are u cute?

**Oh Sehun** : uh

**Oh Sehun** : yea

**b*tch** : nice ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**lay** : I am impressed by the fact that the baby can type.

**Oh Sehun** : im not a baby im 18

**lay** : What unit of measurement?

**Oh Sehun** : uhhh

**Oh Sehun** : years?

**b*tch** : oh my fuck you are a baby

**lay** : I am confused.

**stop** : baekhyun i thought you said you didn't swear

**b*tch** : shut the fuck up im in shock

**PCY** : GUYS I TOLD YOU TO BE NICE

**PCY** : YOURE SCARING THE BABY

**Oh Sehun** : im not a baby

 

**Park Chanyeol (PCY) has set the nickname of Oh Sehun to THE BABY**

 

**THE BABY** : what the fcuk

**lay** : I do not understand how he is a baby.

**THE BABY** : im noT A BAby

**DAD** : Hello, not a baby

**DAD** : I'm not a dad

**stop** : joonmyun

**stop** : stop

**DAD** : Hohohohoho

**PCY** : I SHOULD INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FRIENDS

**THE BABY** : y r u yelling

**stop** : his phone is fucked up

**b*tch** : why are u a baby

**THE BABY** : whos the bitch

**PCY** : THATS BAEKHYUN

**b*tch** : im not a bitch

**stop** : he's a bitch

**b*tch** : no im a b*tch

**b*tch** : its different

**stop** : is it faker than a bitch

**DAD** : Kids please.

**b*tch** : wtb

 

**Byun Baekhyun (b*tch) set their nickname to (bitch).**

 

**bitch** : im not fucking fake

**PCY** : OK SO YOUVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO BAEKHYUN

**THE BABY** : hes a bitch and hes not fake

**PCY** : YEAH

**DAD** : I'm Joonmyun

**PCY** : HES OUR DAD

**DAD** : I'm not a father

**THE BABY** : uhhhh ok

**lay** : I have met Chanyeol’s father. He is not Joonmyun.

**PCY** : JOONMYUN IS MY FATHER IN MY HEART

**lay** : I am confused.

**PCY** : THE CONFUSED ONE IS YIXING

**PCY** : HES USUALLY CONFUSED

**lay** : Hello, I am Yixing. It is nice to meet you. You may call me Lay if Yixing is hard for you to say.

**THE BABY** : uh

**THE BABY** : nice 2 meet u 2?

**lay** : I am from China.

**THE BABY** : cool

**lay** : Actually the weather is hotter in China than here.

**THE BABY** : oh uhh

**lay** : There is a lot of smog in China.

**THE BABY** : um ok

**stop** : hate to break up this riveting conversation 

**stop** : but i think it's getting just a little too exciting

**THE BABY** : who r u

**stop:** kyungsoo

**PCY** : THE LOVE OF MY LIFE 

**THE BABY** : oh

**PCY** : MY SOULMATE 

**PCY** : MY EVERYTHING

**DAD** : They're dating.

**PCY** : THE BEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME

**THE BABY** : ok

**stop** : chanyeol

**PCY** : YES SWEETHEART

**stop** : shut the fuck up

**PCY** : OK

**bitch** : true love

**stop** : i fucking hate him

**THE BABY** : rnt u dating him

**stop** : yes

**THE BABY** : y r u dating him if u hate him

**DAD** : Oh no

**stop** : he eats ass

**THE BABY** : h e

**bitch** : lol

**THE BABY** : oh mY GO d

 

**Oh Sehun (THE BABY) has left the chat.**

 

**bitch** : lol

**DAD** : Oh dear

**PCY** : SOO

**stop** : he asked

**bitch** : l o l

**PCY** : I HAVE TO SEE HIM TOMORROW

**PCY** : IM HIS ADVISOR

**bitch** : lmao

**PCY** : IM SUPPOSED TO GUIDE HIM

**PCY** : HE DOESNT NEED TO HEAR THIS SLANDER

**bitch:** its not slander if its true lol

**stop** : sorry

**PCY** : ITS OK I FORGIVE YOU

**DAD** : I'm going to add him back

 

**Kim Joonmyun (DAD) has added Oh Sehun to the chat.**

 

**DAD** : Sorry about that

**PCY** : JUST PRETEND THAT DIDNT HAPPEN

**Oh Sehun** : im trying

**bitch** : l m a o

 

**Byun Baekhyun (bitch) has set the nickname of Park Chanyeol (PCY) to Eats Ass.**

 

**Oh Sehun** : askknJDHDAMMSKKjshnJj

 

**Oh Sehun has left the chat.**

 

**Eats Ass** : BAEKHYUN

**DAD** : Baekhyun why

**bitch** : L M A O


	2. kris is dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minseok gets introduced, and things get... weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a note that if you think you read the first chapter yesterday, you should go check to make sure you read the whole thing! it got cut off mysteriously and i only just managed to fix it!
> 
> enjoy chapter 2~

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 10th, 3:08 PM

 

 **not a baby** : im p sure my res neybor is into bdsm

 **stop** : do you mean neighbour

 **not a baby** : watever

 **not a baby** : im 99% shure hes a kinky bastard

 **Eats Ass** : WHY

 **bitch** : u know whos kinky

 **bitch** : me

 **not a baby** : hes loUD

 **stop** : we know, baekhyun

 **Eats Ass** : LOUD

 **Eats Ass** : WHAT ARE U HEARING

 **bitch** : dont be a hypocrite soo

 **not a baby** : thumps

 **not a baby** : moaning

 **not a baby** : seX NOISES

 **bitch** : i know what kinds of things u and yeol get up to when ur alone

 **stop** : shut up, baekhyun

 **Eats Ass** : DUDE ITS ONLY THE SECOND WEEK OF SCHOOL UR NEIGHBOUR HAS GAME

 **Eats Ass** : WHY DO U THINK HES KINKY THOUGH

 **not a baby** : i saw his back the other day in tge showers anf he full on had like

 **not a baby** : brUISES

 **Eats Ass** : OH SHIT

 **bitch** : make me kyungsoo

 **Eats Ass** : BAEKHYUN STOP FLIRTING WITH MY BOYFRIEND

 **not a baby** : not only tge bruises

 **not a baby** : theres a guy

 **bitch** : make me chanyeol

 **not a baby** : and he looks exACTLY LIKE HIM

 **stop** : baekhyun

 **not a baby** : like thErE TWINS

 **not a baby** : exc e PT THERE F UCkING??

 **Eats Ass** : THAT SEEMS ILLEGAL

 **stop** : do not flirt with chanyeol

 **not a baby** : riTE

 **Eats Ass** : OMG SOO I LOVE YOU

 **stop** : okay

 **bitch:** ew

 **stop** : shut up

 **DAD** : You guys are cute.

 **stop** : thank you

 **stop** : jwkm.,,

 **not a baby** : what

 **bitch** : ew oh my god do you guys have to do that right in front of me

 **not a baby** : u could turn off the chat?

 **bitch** : im over at their apartment

 **not a baby** : oh

 **not a baby** : wait u guy r all sitting 2gether jst texting

 **bitch** : yea

 **bitch** : well we were

 **bitch** : now kyungsoo and chanyeol are making out

 **not a baby** : oH

 **bitch** : hey sehun

 **bitch** : can i come over

 **not a baby** : uhh

 **bitch** : we can spy on ur neighbour

 **not a baby** : i mean

 **not a baby** : we havnt met irl

 **not a baby** : u might b a creepy dude on the internet

 **bitch** : uve met chanyeol

 **bitch** : would he be friends with a creepy dude on the internet

 **not a baby** : probbly

 **bitch** : shit

 **bitch** : ur right

 **bitch** : what a dumbass

 **not a baby** : tru

 

***

 

 **Private Chat:** Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun

March 10th, 3:41 PM

 

 **Oh Sehun** : hay

 **Byun Baekhyun** : hi

 **Byun Baekhyun** : does this mean i can come over

 **Oh Sehun** : uh

 **Byun Baekhyun** : please

 **Byun Baekhyun** : soo is sitting in yeols lap now

 **Oh Sehun** : cant u jst leave

 **Byun Baekhyun** : i mean

 **Byun Baekhyun** : yeah

 **Byun Baekhyun** : but thats not fun

 **Byun Baekhyun** : plus i wanna meet u

 **Oh Sehun** : ur sounding more n more like a creepy dude on the intrnet

 **Byun Baekhyun** : im not creepy

 **Byun Baekhyun** : im pretty

 **Oh Sehun** : uhh

 **Byun Baekhyun** : i promise

 **Byun Baekhyun** : here

 

***

 **Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 10th, 3:45 PM

 

 **bitch** : guys

 **not a baby** : ya

 **bitch** : not u dumbass

 **bitch** : joonmyun?

 **DAD** : What is it?

 **bitch** : am i pretty

 **DAD** : Sure

 

***

 **Private Chat:** Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun

March 10th, 3:47 PM

 

 **Byun Baekhyun** : see told u

 **Oh Sehun** : u coulda sent a selca or smth

 **Byun Baekhyun** : now u sound like a creepy internet dude

 **Oh Sehun** : fair enuf

 **Oh Sehun** : im in gwanak south bulding forth floor room 457

 **Byun Baekhyun** : nice ill be there in 20 mins~

 

***

 **Private Chat:** Park Chanyeol (Dem), Byun Baekhyun (Boiz)

March 10th, 4:13 PM

 

 **Boiz** : shit dude

 **Boiz** : you didnt tell me he was hot

 **Dem** : WHAT

 **Dem** : WHO

 **Boiz** : sehun

 **Dem** : SEHUN IS HOT???

 **Dem** : HES A CHILD

 **Boiz** : i know

 **Boiz** : im having a crisis

 **Dem** : STOP HAVING A CRISIS OVER MY CHILD

 **Dem** : HAVE A CRISIS OVER SOMEONE ELSES CHILD

 **Boiz** : stop calling him ur child

 **Boiz** : its making me feel weird

 **Dem** : IT SHOULD

 **Dem** : UR CALLING MY CHILD HOT

 **Dem** : WAIT ARE U WITH HIM RIGHT NOW

 **Boiz** : yea im at his dorm

 **Boiz** : were stalking his neighbour

 **Dem** : THE BDSM ONE

 **Boiz** : yea

 **Dem** : OKAY

 **Dem** : LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

 **Dem** : BUT IN THE MEANTIME DONT TOUCH SEHUN

 **Boiz** : wtb why not

 **Dem** : YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO GRAB HIS FRAGILE BODY WITH UR GRIPPY LITTLE HANDS

 **Boiz** : grippy wtb

 **Dem** : UR ALWAYS GOING AFTER THE NEAREST PIECE OF ASS

 **Boiz** : the heart wants what the heart wants yeol

 **Dem** : ITS NOT UR HEART THAT IM WORRIED ABOUT

 **Dem** : YOUVE PROVED URSELF WITH THE NO FEELINGS JUST SEX THING

 **Dem** : BUT SEHUN

 **Dem** : HES A BABY

 **Dem** : YOU CANT JUST FUCK A BABY

 **Boiz** : holy shit chanyeol

 

***

 **Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 10th, 3:08 PM

 

 **lay** : Hello everyone!

 **lay** : I have a friend!

 **bitch** : really?!?! omg im so proud u have a friend?!??!

 **bitch** : uve never had one of those before!!!

 **lay** : Fucking you. >:(

 **lay** : I have many friends.

 **lay** : Like Lu and Tao. You know them.

 **stop** : lu as in lu han?

 **stop** : didn’t his study abroad term get terminated?

 **Eats Ass** : YEAH OMG

 **Eats Ass** : APPARENTLY HE TOLD THE DEAN TO BLOW HIM LIKE A FLUTE AND GOT SENT BACK TO HIS HOME SCHOOL

 **bitch** : lmao he totally did i remember that

 **not a baby** : omg rlly

 **stop** : why do you even still talk to him, yixing?

 **lay** : I talk to him because he is my friend.

 **stop** : why

 **lay** : ????

 **lay** : Because he is my friend.

 **Eats Ass** : SOO MEANS WHY IS HE YOUR FRIEND

 **lay** : I do not know, but he is.

 **lay** : Sometimes he is funny?

 **DAD** : Wait, Yixing, what were you saying before? You have a new friend?

 **lay** : Oh yes!

 **lay** : He is not a new friend, but I have decided to introduce to you him.

 

**Zhang Yixing (lay) has added Kim Minseok to the chat.**

 

 **lay** : This is Xiumin!

 **Eats Ass** : XIUMIN

 **Eats Ass** : HI

 **Eats Ass** : ARE YOU CHINESE TOO?

 **Kim Minseok** : nope!

 **lay** : His name is not actually Xiumin. I just call him it.

 **Kim Minseok** : i cant even remember how that started haha!

 **Kim Minseok** : its just a thing now!

 **Eats Ass** : THATS COOL I GUESS

 **Kim Minseok** : wow! nice nickname?

 **Eats Ass** : OH

 **Eats Ass** : ITS AN INSIDE JOKE

 **Kim Minseok** : oh haha!

 **Kim Minseok** : here i was thinking you actually ate ass!

**Eats Ass** : HAHA YEAH IMAGINE THAT

**Kim Minseok** : youre chanyeol right?

 **Eats Ass** : UM YEAH

 **Eats Ass** : HOW DID YOU KNOW

 **Kim Minseok** : you seem tall

 **Kim Minseok** : xing said you were tall

 **Eats Ass** : OH

**Eats Ass** : RIGHT...

**Eats Ass** : OK?

 **DAD** : Wait, Kim Minseok?

 **Kim Minseok** : thats me!

 **DAD** : As in, 3rd year Biochem Minseok?

 **Kim Minseok** : that is my major and my name, yep!

 **DAD** : Oh! Hey!

 **DAD** : It’s Kim Joonmyun btw - not anyone’s actual father.

 **DAD** : I didn’t know you knew Yixing!

 **Kim Minseok** : yep!

 **Kim Minseok** : its been awhile since weve talked hasnt it?

 **DAD** : Yeah! Since hell math last semester I think?

 **Kim Minseok** : sounds about right!

 **Kim Minseok** : how are things?

 **Kim Minseok** : you still going out with the canadian guy?

 **DAD** : Things are good! And I’m still seeing Kris - I’m actually doing an exchange to canada next term, so I’ll get to see him!

 **Kim Minseok** : oh wow!

 **Kim Minseok** : send proof that hes still alive when you get there!

 **DAD** : Um, pardon?

 **Kim Minseok** : your boyfriend?

 **Kim Minseok** : im pretty sure hes dead!

 **Kim Minseok** : like i definitely didnt actually ever hear him speak

 **Kim Minseok** : or move much at all when you skyped him

 **DAD** : I’m quite sure my boyfriend isn’t dead

 **Kim Minseok** : hm believe what you will!

 **Kim Minseok** : but until i see proof

 **Kim Minseok** : i know what i believe!

 **Eats Ass** : HOLY SHIT

 **Eats Ass** : I HOPE KRIS ISN’T A ZOMBIE

 **Kim Minseok** : or a cadaver being used as a flesh suit

 **stop** : why the fuck am i in this chat

 **DAD** : My Boyfriend Is Not Dead! Or Undead!

 **Kim Minseok** : i still have my suspicions

 **Kim Minseok** : anyway! it was nice finally meeting you all!

 **Kim Minseok** : i have a lab to get to, so ill chat later!

 **Kim Minseok** : toodles!

 **lay** : He likes to make up funny stories!

 **DAD** : More like conspiracy theories.

 **bitch** : well

 **bitch** : he seems nice

 **Eats Ass** : I FEEL LIKE I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DIDNT INTRODUCE HIM EARLIER

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes minseok types in subscript because he thinks it makes his conspiracies seem more mysterious
> 
> speaking of mysterious, who could sehun's res neighbour be? does jongdae even exist???
> 
> all this and more will be revealed in later chapters!!


	3. bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so u thought sebaek was going to be easy??
> 
> think again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back
> 
> i think it's been like a year, but hey, i did warn y'all about the less than consistent uploads~
> 
> this plot is a mess and i apologise for that, but also its a texting fic so who needs a plot
> 
> anyway, hope u enjoy!!

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 17th, 2:38 PM

 

**Eats Ass** : HEY

**Eats Ass** : IS ANYONE ON CAMPUS RN

**not a baby** : im alwys on campus

**bitch** : im with the baby rn so yeah

**Eats Ass** : YOU ARE??!??!?

**not a baby** : yea i live hear

**Eats Ass** : NO LIKE

**Eats Ass** : UR TOGETHER RN?

**bitch** : ye boi

**Eats Ass** : WHERE ARE U GUYS

**not a baby** : my room

**bitch** : were stalking his neighbour again

**Eats Ass** : I CANT BELIEVE YOU DIDNT INVITE ME??

**not a baby** : tecnicly i didnt invite him either

**not a baby** : he jst showd up

**bitch** : my class ended early

**bitch** : i had nowhere else to go

**Eats Ass** : ONCE UPON A TIME YOU WOULD HAVE ASKED ME

**Eats Ass** : I WOULD HAVE TAKEN YOU IN

**Eats Ass** : BUT I KNOW I DONT MATTER ANYMORE

**Eats Ass** : RIP OUR BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP : (

**bitch** : i knew u had class, asshole

**bitch** : i have ur fuckin schedule

**bitch** : hows that for friendship

**Eats Ass** : :’)

**Eats Ass** : I KNEW YOU STILL LOVED ME

**bitch** : of course

**bitch** : ur my bffl

**Eats Ass** : <#

**Eats Ass** : THATS SUPPOSED TO BE A HEART I CANT USE NUMBERS

**Eats Ass** : CAN I COME OVER THO SO WE CAN ALL SPY ON UR NEIGHBOUR

**not a baby** : i hav class in like tweny mins im kicking baek out soon so i can leve

**bitch** : rude

**bitch** : chanyeol ur my only true friend we can hang out in the library

**Eats Ass** : OKAY

**Eats Ass** : WAIT SOO JUST TEXTED ME HE WANTS ME TO GO HOME

**bitch** : wtb

**bitch** : i have no friends

**bitch** : i am a single star in the universe

**bitch** : destined to be alone forever

**Eats Ass** : U CAN COME OVER IF U WANT

**bitch** : i have one friend

**bitch** : ill meet u outside the library~

 

***

**Private Chat:** Park Chanyeol, Oh Sehun

March 17th, 3:13 PM

 

**Oh Sehun** : hay

**Park Chanyeol** : ARENT YOU IN CLASS

**Oh Sehun** : … 

**Oh Sehun** : mabye

**Oh Sehun** : i hav a questiom

**Park Chanyeol** : ?

**Oh Sehun** : r ther rules 

**Oh Sehun** : like in th squad

**Park Chanyeol** : RULES?

**Oh Sehun** : yea like things u cat do

**Park Chanyeol** : LIKE WHAT

**Oh Sehun** : idk like dating andstuff

**Oh Sehun** : like can i r can i not fuck baekhyub

**Park Chanyeol** : EXCUSE ME

**Oh Sehun** : like is tht alllowd

**Park Chanyeol** : I MEA N

**Park Chanyeol** : OH MY G OD 

**Park Chanyeol** : THERE ARENT ANY RULES

**Oh Sehun** : nice

**Park Chanyeol** : BUT OH MY GOD

**Park Chanyeol** : MY INNOCENT CHILD

**Park Chanyeol** : WHAT HAS BYUN BAEKHYUN DONE

**Oh Sehun** : not me

**Oh Sehun** : yet

**Park Chanyeol** : OH MY GO D

**Park Chanyeol** : HE RUINED YOU

**Park Chanyeol** : MY POOR CHILD

**Oh Sehun** : wat

**Park Chanyeol** : DONT TALK TO ME IM DISTRAUGHT

 

***

 

**Private Chat:** Park Chanyeol (Dem), Byun Baekhyun (Boiz)

March 17th, 3:15 PM

 

**Dem** : WHAT DID YOU DO

**Boiz** : what did i do

**Dem** : I DONT KNOW

**Dem** : BUT YOU DID SOMETHING

**Boiz** : i refuse to believe that

**Boiz** : i maintain my innocence

**Boiz** : i have never done anything ever

**Dem** : IF YOURE JUST GOING TO LIE TO ME DONT BOTHER COMING OVER

**Boiz** : too bad i see you already

**Boiz:** ill just follow u home

**Boiz** : kyungsoo will take pity and let me in

**Dem** : NO HE WONT I WONT LET HIM

**Dem** : WAIT WHERE ARE YOU I CANT SEE YOU

**Dem** : OH NVM THERE YOU ARE NICE JACKET

**Boiz** : thanks

**Boiz** : lets go

**Dem** : OK I WANNA PICK UP SOME GROCERIES FIRST THO

**Boiz** : dude im right in front of u stop texting me 

 

***

 

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 17th, 5:22 PM

 

**stop** : this is an announcement

**stop** : baekhyun has taken chanyeol hostage

**stop** : it’s been two hours since they said they were on their way

**stop** : and they still haven’t shown up

**bitch** : wtb why do u assume i took him hostage

**bitch** : why would i want him anyway hes too tall to work properly and his ears are huge

**stop** : he works just fine

**stop** : where are you

**stop** : bring him back

**bitch** : smh i dont have him

**bitch** : he went to go find chips like 20 mins ago and i havent seen him since

**stop** : please find my boyfriend he gets lost easily

**bitch** : oh there he iaiiafiehabb,,,klk,.

**stop** : did you find him

**bitch** : soo!!!!! im here!! sorry my phone died!!! i was looking for those chips we had the last time we had an overwatch tournament

**bitch** : there are so many kinds i didnt know which ones to get

**stop** : can you come home now i made dinner

**bitch** : soo omg

**bitch** : omg soo i love you a lot ok were coming back nowkdjjd

**bitch** : none of this sappy bs on my watch

**bitch** : i dont want people thinking i love kyungsoo gross

**stop** : i don’t want people thinking that either, don’t worry

**bitch** : wait what the fucK

 

*******

**Private Chat:** Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun

March 17th, 5:50 PM

 

**Oh Sehun** : ar u free tomrrow?

**Byun Baekhyun** : why? u wanna spy on ur neighbour again??

**Oh Sehun** : uhh sure

**Byun Baekhyun** : im always down for some sleuthing

**Byun Baekhyun** : what time should i come over

**Oh Sehun** : anytim u want..

**Byun Baekhyun** : cool so 3?

**Oh Sehun** : kay.., 

**Oh Sehun** : we cud wach a movie or get diner or smth to

**Byun Baekhyun** : but then how will we hear ur neighbour

**Oh Sehun** : uhh

**Byun Baekhyun** : we r detectives sehun

**Byun Baekhyun** : we have to be aware of all the signs ppl r gving us!

**Oh Sehun** : rite…….,,,.

 

**Byun Baekhyun ( ) has set the nickname of Oh Sehun ( ) to Detective Oh.**

 

**Byun Baekhyun ( ) has set the nickname of Byun Baekhyun ( ) to Detective Byun.**

 

**Detective Byun** : i refuse to let anything slip past me

**Detective Oh** : m kay…,

**Detective Byun** : i would make an amazing detective

**Detective Byun** : see u tmrw ~

**Detective Oh** : .,,..,,

 

*******

 

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 20th, 4:36 AM

 

**DAD** : Is anyone awake right now?

**Kim Minseok** : hiya! im here!

**DAD** : Oh, hi! Any reason you’re up?

**Kim Minseok** : not really! just thinking about some things!

**DAD** : Oohoo, yeah, been there… 

**Kim Minseok** : you wanted to ask a favour, right?

**DAD** : Yeah, how did you know?

**Kim Minseok** : i know a lot of things!

**DAD** : Right.

**DAD** : Well, I’m working on some stuff right now, and it has taken… Far longer than I expected it to…

**Kim Minseok** : were you going to ask someone to bring you a drink??

**DAD** : I was...

**DAD** : It sort of feels unfair to make someone else do that for me, though…

**Kim Minseok** : i’ll do it for money! 

**Kim Minseok** : i’m already at the cafe, anyways! just let me know where to deliver it to!

**Kim Minseok** : i usually charge 10% per thousand steps, but since you’re a friend, i’ll give you a flat rate!

**DAD** : Oh

**DAD** : Okay. I’m at my apartment right now

**Kim Minseok** : the grey tile front building, just off campus past the library, apartment 310!

**DAD** : It’s the grey tile building, you’ll see if you leave campus past the library. My apartment is on the third floor, number 310.

**DAD** : Oh.

**DAD** : Did I tell you that?

**Kim Minseok** : nope! i’ll be there in 3 mins!

**DAD** : Okay?

**Kim Minseok** : ^.^

**DAD** : Wait I didn’t give you my order!

**Kim Minseok** : i assume you want your regular order of large hot chocolate with lowfat milk and mini bones ?

**DAD** : Bones

**Kim Minseok** : marshmallows are made of gelatin.

**Kim Minseok** : gelatin is made of bones.

**DAD** : Oh… Of course...

**Kim Minseok** : i’m outside your place with your order! 

**DAD** : Am I hallucinating?

**Kim Minseok** : maybe!

**Kim Minseok** : i assure you this drink is very real though. you’re paying top dollar for wet cocoa powder and  bones . 

 

***

 

**DAD** : Thanks, Minseok. Have a good night.

**Kim Minseok** : Pleasure doing business with you my good friend! Good luck with your Canadian rent application!!

**DAD** : Thank you.

**DAD** : Wait…

**Kim Minseok** : Laterz!

**DAD** : How did you know about that?

**DAD** : …

**DAD** : I think I’m going to put the rest of this off until tomorrow… Goodnight.

 

***

 

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 20th, 9:36 AM

 

**Eats Ass** : WELL

**bitch** : what a wild chat log to wake up to

 

**Byun Baekhyun (bitch) has set the nickname of Kim Minseok ( ) to ?.**

 

 

**Private Chat:** Park Chanyeol (Dem), Byun Baekhyun (Boiz)

March 20th, 9:37 AM

 

**Dem** : IM A BIT AFRAID HONESTLY

**Boiz** : yea

**Dem** : HES KINDA SCARY

 

 

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 20th, 9:37 AM

 

**?** : ^.^

 

 

**Private Chat:** Park Chanyeol (Dem), Byun Baekhyun (Boiz)

March 20th, 9:38 AM

 

**bitch** : fucking terrifying

  
  


***

**Group Chat:** SQUAD SHIT

March 21st, 2:01 PM

 

**bitch** : i’m going to a party tonight, whose place am i crashing if i dont get taken home by a handsome lad or beautiful lass?

**stop** : or you could go back to your place for once?

**not a baby** : duz he evn hav his own place?

**DAD** : He lives with his brother.

**DAD** : Who I’m sure wouldn’t mind spending some quality time with you, instead of you sleeping over at your friends’ houses.

**stop** : let baekbeom take care of your drunk ass for once, i’m tired of it

**bitch** : cmon soo

**bitch** : i know u love my drunk ass ;)

**stop** : baekhyun

**stop** : i can honestly

**stop** : seriously say 

**stop** : that i very much

**stop** : do not like your drunk ass

**bitch** : :(

**bitch** : meanie

**not a baby** : u cn come n sty at mine

**bitch** : :)

**not a baby** : bt only ifu com b4 midnit bc thas are curfuw

**bitch** : :/

**bitch** : gross

**bitch** : i guess ill just have to find someone to go home with then 

**lay** : You may stay at my apartment, Baekhyun!

**bitch** : dude u live like three hours away

**lay** : It is walking only twenty minutes from campus?

**bitch** : my legs are short

**lay** : I understand. Perhaps one day you will finally grow.

**DAD** : LOL

**stop** : fucking decimated

**bitch** : wt b

**bitch** : i dont deserve this slander

 

***

 

**Private Chat:** Oh Sehun (Detective Oh), Byun Baekhyun (Detective Byun)

March 21st, 11:47 PM

 

**Detective Byun** : heyyy

**Detective Oh** : ?

**Detective Byun** : can i come overrrr

**Detective Byun** : u said befoRe midnigHt and its only 11 somethiNg

**Detective Oh** : ar u drunj?

**Detective Byun** : mayBe ;)

**Detective Oh** : huh

**Detective Byun** : soooO can i stay oveR????? :((((((((

**Detective Oh** : k

**Detective Byun** : :))))))))))))00

**Detective Byun** : :ooooo ur not alloweD to taKe advantaGe of me

**Detective Byun** : at leAst not in thiS stAte ;))))))))))))))

**Detective Oh** : what

**Detective Byun** : shhhhH 

**Detective Oh** : k

**Detective Byun** : ilL be therE soon :x

 

*

 

**Private Chat:** Byun Baekhyun, Kim Jongdae

March 21st, 11:56 PM

 

**Kim Jongdae** : hey! someone told me they saw you leaving!

**Kim Jongdae** : do you not need a place to stay anymore?

**Kim Jongdae** : my place is only 20 minutes away!

**Byun Baekhyun** : whO r u agaiN//??

**Kim Jongdae** : you gave me ur # a lil bit ago

**Kim Jongdae** : we didnt actually do introductions i guess ahaahaa

**Kim Jongdae** : not much talking at all really ;3

**Byun Baekhyun** : oH hELLo :))))))

 

**Byun Baekhyun ( ) has set the nickname of Kim Jongdae ( ) to hoT.**

 

**hoT** : :3

**Byun Baekhyun** : thanK you foR the offer but i toLd my frienD im goinG over to hiS so i canT tonighT

**Byun Baekhyun** : but i will deFiniteLy see u in thE futuRe so We can piCk up wheRe we left off ;)))

**hoT** : ahahaa sounds good :3 have a gud night! be safe!

**Byun Baekhyun** : thx :))))))00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot guarantee that i will upload again soon, but i'll do my best.
> 
> i have a little bit of stuff planned out for the next chapter, but i probably need to work out an actual plot first lol
> 
> thanks for reading!! <3


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